The abyss

So this is the abyss, the depth of my heart. Coming home alone from a lovely evening on the river with a beautiful friend, my return to the flat is full of a sadness and despair. My suffering is so light to the suffering of many, more pained souls, yet for me is inescapable. It is my all, my only truth. Nothing else matters, my soul cares not for anything else but it's solitary truth. I am become the Hermit, in my divorce from the world. Yet this too will pass. This moment of my most pained self, lost in a world of unfulfilled dream potential. Whether I live or die, for now, I am on my own in this. No other can give redemption, the external cannot be the internal process necessary for my awakening. My truth lies only within. Oh, how I miss her, the other, the co-dependent self. My beloved, projected on the world, my wife. But she is gone, truly, fully & with purpose, and my co-created journey as the alchemical twin is of equal value, if only I can see beyond my deluded ego state. Death too is an awakening state, & I ride closer to my edge in this experience of life than ever before. I long for settled times again, but see an intensification of our experience before the dust may settle. Roll on 2013. The time beyond.

The Empress & the Hermit

The Empress & the Hermit

A new start. A rebecoming.

To be boundaried, I must turn within,

Not without for my satisfaction.

There is nothing in the outer world

That draws my attention, nor gives solace.

The inner dream is the only place

I can find peace, joy & love. Now.

In a different world, you exist.

And I am so glad to have delighted

In your sovereign essence, been present

In your gift. Yet it was another world,

Another dream, incarnate.

One where I could never quite be met.

Nor truly exist, yet the heart

Thought it was home with you;

So pure & radiant were your charms

& the journey you promised

The one true path deserving of my blessing.