The abyss

So this is the abyss, the depth of my heart. Coming home alone from a lovely evening on the river with a beautiful friend, my return to the flat is full of a sadness and despair. My suffering is so light to the suffering of many, more pained souls, yet for me is inescapable. It is my all, my only truth. Nothing else matters, my soul cares not for anything else but it's solitary truth. I am become the Hermit, in my divorce from the world. Yet this too will pass. This moment of my most pained self, lost in a world of unfulfilled dream potential. Whether I live or die, for now, I am on my own in this. No other can give redemption, the external cannot be the internal process necessary for my awakening. My truth lies only within. Oh, how I miss her, the other, the co-dependent self. My beloved, projected on the world, my wife. But she is gone, truly, fully & with purpose, and my co-created journey as the alchemical twin is of equal value, if only I can see beyond my deluded ego state. Death too is an awakening state, & I ride closer to my edge in this experience of life than ever before. I long for settled times again, but see an intensification of our experience before the dust may settle. Roll on 2013. The time beyond.